A French Drain in a Shallow Grave

Winter Garden Work with Nothing to Show For It

Yesterday I did back-breaking work that essentially looks like nothing after completed. Such is winter work in the garden.

The previous owners of our home had added some very long French drains to the bottom of the gutter downspouts in a few places to guide water away from the paths they built, paths that were washing out each time there was a heavy rain.

Smart.

But they didn’t bother to bury them and we inherited a 50 ft. long black hose snaking its way down the side of the back garden. It had been driving me crazy and the weather was nice but not hot, and I said to myself, “How hard could it be to bury a French drain in loose fertile soil on a hill in a root-y woodland garden?”

How hard indeed.

I grabbed my favorite garden tool of late, my English border spade, and dug right in.

I think I took a minimum of 8 breather breaks during the hour or two I spent burying it.

Did you know shoveling requires every single muscle in your whole body?

And that you feel every one of them all day the next day?

I kept thinking of Nate Bargatze’s stand-up jokes about criminals getting caught because they buried the bodies in shallow graves. They just underestimated how hard it is to dig a hole and gave up too soon—even when it’s the most important hole of their lives.

I’d show you a picture of my hard work except that what I said at the outset is true:

Burying something is the LEAST satisfying back-breaking chore I can imagine. Literally nothing to show for it at the end.

My French drain is definitely in a shallow grave. I’m just going to plant around it.